wanting another child

wanting another child

September 11, 2019 3 By William Morgan


I just wanted to hop on here real quick because
I’ve … well I’ve been thinking about … I’ve
been thinking about this lately and I don’t
really know if it’s going to be possible and
I guess it kind of made me sad being at the
gym just now because we’ll first I’ll say
what I’ve been thinking about.
It’s probably because he’s turning four soon,
again I’ve been reflecting a lot as you saw
in the video yesterday and I’m just like I
wouldn’t say baby fever but I do want a sibling
for him and it’s tough in my situation because
obviously PJ and I are not together and not
even that like I’m just not at the place where
I feel comfortable bringing another child
into the world.
I mean no one’s really necessarily ready and
I mean we did well with the first one and
we weren’t technically ready but you know
I would want to own a house one day to call
my own and be better money-wise and you know
pay down a lot of debt, school debt, credit
card that things like that before I even think
of planning for a child and that’s just not
my reality right now but it sucks because
I come from such a big family and I know how
special it is that I come from a family of
you know four daughters and all.
See you know, I think when he was younger
it didn’t really matter that he was the only
child but I feel like now you know he’s more
aware like noticing different kids and different
relationships and interactions and there’s
just times I feel bad for him in a way because
he doesn’t have someone else and you know
it would be different if let’s say my sisters
had kids and he would be able to hang out
with kids his age or around his age but we
don’t really have that.
He has one cousin from his dad’s side that
lives quite a way away from us and we don’t
really see too often but you know even in
that situation like I know she goes to school
if he’s pretty busy herself and so we just
be like let’s say once in a blue on weekends
will see her.
But other than that, like he doesn’t really
get the chance to hang out with much kids
unless we’re here at the playground or he’s
at his swim class or soccer classes and those
are only once a week.
And I don’t know I just saw him now at the
gym just looking at … they were older kids,
they were siblings, a sister and a brother
and I can just see in his eyes he would look
at them interact with each other like kind
of wanting to be involved.
Like wanting to be involved in that and kind
of feeling like the odd man out and that could
just be you know kids being kids or him being
shy and you know not being part of the in
crowd but I can could just see the loneliness
in his eyes.
And he’s a happy kid like I’m so grateful
for everything that I have it and I was able
to have him and carry him in such a healthy
way he’s a healthy kid but it makes me sad
that he doesn’t have another sibling to have
another person around him not even for now
but for the rest of his life.
And I know he’s young like I can still have
another kid but it’s like how realistic is
that you know like I’m not interested in blending
my family to be quite frank.
I’m just I don’t want to do that to my family
and you know splitting everything up and going
back and forth between places and it’s not
something that I want to do and I mean PJ
and I have spoken about this before it’s possible
in the future if we get at a better state
like on paper you know whether that’s a house
or more money etc I don’t know if we’ll do
it the old fashioned way or will find a way
to you know get … for me to get pregnant
or I would if anything I would look into adoption
as well.
Nowadays you don’t necessarily need the guy
to have kids and yes so that’s an option as
well, but I just don’t know how soon that
will be able to happen and or if it’s ever
going to happen.
As great as a co-parenting relationship is
that I currently have and I’m thankful and
grateful for it, you know this is one of the
complications that come with it and it’s growing
your family especially because we split up
when we only had one kid so I don’t know what
the future holds but I just felt like I had
to be honest there because you know that I
do preach about positive co-parenting and
how that is possible and it is it really is
you can do it as well but I don’t know I guess
it’s tough when you’re thinking about another
… bring another child into the world but
yet you don’t want to break up the system
that you currently have or create a blended
family of any kind and I know it’s something
a lot of families do and do well and ends
up being fine a beautiful blended family and
it’s okay, there’s no ill-will on any sides
and that’s great but it’s not something I
envisioned for my life.
Call it stubbornness, call it whatever you
want, you guys can judge as you please, but
I know for me it just doesn’t sit well with
me.
I just know or have a have a picture in my
head of what that would look like and I’m
not a fan of it.
I want to be with my kids as much as possible
and I just don’t see how having another father
and another kid by different father would
fit into what I want in my life, it’s not
what I want in my life and it’s not like I’m
in need of like a romantic relationship that’s
not what it is I could care less about that
honestly right now but just to have a different
sibling, to have another sibling for him it’s
something that I’ve been wanting a lot lately.
Mama.
Yes baby.
I got an emergency.
You got an emergency?
What’s the emergency?
The car fell.
The car fell, are you going to get it?
It broke its wheel.
It broke its what?
Its wheel.
Excuse me, it broke its wheel?
Yeah.
Are you going to fix it?
Yeah.
You are?
I’m going to go down the pole.
Okay let’s see you go down the pole.
Good job bug … go fix it.
So yeah I just wanted to share that with you
guys things can be complex when of course
you are in a separated family or not your
typical relationship where mom dad are together
and you have a kid and are able to plan more
kids after that so I don’t know I try to be
as positive and hopeful as I can because I
have a feeling if … not even I have a feeling
like I know if everything lines up well house,
money, loans getting paid off and all of that
like if we’re comfortable enough to the point
where we can have another kid where it’s going
to be responsible to have another kid, then
I feel like we can do it even if it just ends
up being me and you know I’m the only one
that puts my name down to adopt I feel like
that’s going to be fine.
He always supports me regardless so I don’t
see him having an issue but me having a kid
by another man and involving that man I don’t
see happening and PJ wouldn’t care but I know
what my life would look like in that scenario
and I don’t want it so I just have to figure
out a way to grow my family without involving
other parties.
Yes Jet.
I need help.
You need help what did you do?
Let’s see what happened.
Is that you?
Yeah.
You want to get down?
Come on.
I got it.
Oh you’re going to go on the monkey bars?
Can you say bye first then we’ll go to the
monkey bars?
Bye.
Say bye see you tomorrow.
See you tomorrow.