My Eating Disorder Story | Bulimia Recovery – Skinny to Strong 我的暴食症故事

My Eating Disorder Story | Bulimia Recovery – Skinny to Strong 我的暴食症故事

October 25, 2019 100 By William Morgan


Today, I want to share with you my journey to bulimia an eating disorder that I got around two years ago
And how I recovered from it
I want to make this video because I know that a lot of times for those of you who are also struggling at your own journeys
sometimes you can feel lonely, you can feel like people around you don’t really understand what you’re going through I hope that by sharing my story
You would know that you’re not alone, and there’s hope there’s light and one day you’ll be okay
I’m not embarrassed anymore to talk about it because
It made me who I am and it led me to where I am right now in my health and Fitness journey
To eventually reach this mindset that my worth does not come from how much abs I have or how skinny
I am and now along the follow a research his diet
I live by work out to eat
And I just want to give myself permission to just be
Happy and enjoy this one life that we have a little bit background about myself
This part might be a bit repetitive for those of you who have already watched my 24 week
Weight loss journey video. Which is a quick recap during my teenage years I never really work out
I was really lazy and then going into college
I was partying day and night and getting drunk passing out every few times a week. I ate
Whatever junk foods that I wanted to and I end up having some health problems in around
2015 and 2014 and I was in and out of the hospital for a few months
That’s when I realized I needed to cut back on the drinking but fitness was still something that never moving across my mind
especially difference
How weak I was at the time and then my health situation has got better, and I just downloaded the Instagram back
Then I was going through and seeing all these crazy transformation of girls
Losing a lot of weight
slimming down or getting abs thin in a really short period Of time and some of the
before picture could look just like how my body looks at the time
But in their after pictures they all transform into these fitness model bodies
I never thought
I could ever look fit or anything, but if all these girls could do it, I thought maybe I give it a try as well
That’s how I started my set of journey of working out and eating a clean diet at that time
I had no knowledge when it comes to health and fitness so a lot of it was just from googling butter bread says what to
Eat and what not to eat to lose weight
How to get abs I was still determined to look like all these beautiful fit girls one day whom I?
Idolized on Instagram every week I was in progress photo to see if I might mention called transformation
And I would spent endless hours
Just going on Instagram comparing others
Transformations to my own freaking out including that about myself thinking what am I doing wrong?
But I’m not achieving the same results and I start eating too much not training enough
It is time to make more drastic changes in my lifestyle?
And I was so consumed with the idea that if I could have the same amazing transformation in my body
I would somehow be happy it was all that
I wanted and I let all this get into my head and then quietly took over and I started to get into this
doctor present place of self-doubt
Investigation to lose more fat eye surgery increased my workouts to six to seven times a week and sometimes I would squeeze
three workout sessions in a day also care not when it comes to food as also need to eat a hundred percent clean all the
Time in order to keep losing weight as the press myself so much from eating all the foods that I used to love and I
Have them naturally a huge appetite
I normally eat more than my
Boyfriend’s
So during their space that which are starving all the time even a little bit of sauce and oil on a piece of chicken breast
After autumn or hot water to wash it all sometimes about work lunches or dinners
I would just eat some nuts or a few pieces of apples beforehand, and then during the whole meal
I would sit there with everyone eating the yummy food
I would just sit there in water
And refusing to eat anything most people thought
I was so weird and they couldn’t understand it and during this phase
I got really defensive every time when people add why eating too little why are you getting too skinny?
Why you so obsessed with eating all this healthy food, and I was just like why all these people judging me?
Why should they leave me alone like they don’t understand. What a healthy lines are really
Despite the fact that I kept dropping weight no matter what I saw in a mirror I felt fat because I was a completely irrational
Unhealthy and Distorted idea of a healthy body image
And you didn’t understand why I couldn’t look like all those girls that I saw Instagram
And why the transformations are so much better than mine it all went downhill from here
I started to feel guilty about every single bite of food that put into my mouth even a spoonful of rice
Was contributing to making me feel fat and all the work out efforts would be going to waste to answer to make myself
so amused because i was so scared I would get fat from
Food and I didn’t talk to anyone about it because it’s all I knew that it was healthy and is wrong
I was so ignorant at the time that I didn’t even realize the long-term physical harm
that I was doing to my body I could we thought that I found the perfect solution
For me to one day reach my body goals ironically. This was also the period of time that my
Transformation photos or getting more attention on Instagram
And I thought wow this working land finally getting closer to my goal is to become one of those ig fit girls
I told myself that if I could look all good and awesome on social Media then I must be happy but
We found I was miserable
I hated my body when I served by myself in the mirror and I started to feel like
My social Media was all lies because I pretended to be this healthy and happy person
But I was really not
This less is around happier and the moment that I snap out of it and realized that I need to change was when I finally
Decided to tell my boyfriend Chad was at an all-you-Can-eat buffet and after months of so much depression
And eating just all clean food when I saw French fries. I just could not stop eating it
I kept stopping – to my face and obviously I felt super guilty up though
And so I went to the toilet and I threw up
Now I came back to the table
He asked me why I was there for so long, and I finally decided to tell the truth
He was a first shot to here and he was very surprise that I didn’t think it was a big problem
And that’s when he started to be out all the potential health problems that I could have including Chronic stomach health problems
Fertility issues esophagus cancer heart attack even just teeth problems at that moment. I was like holy shit
I didn’t know that
I could make myself so sick with this simple action of just throwing up after eating it was some time for all this
Information to slowly sink in and the recovery didn’t happen overnight
I would say this was at least the beginning of me realizing that I was harming my body
And it is in no way making me feel happy healthy and strong
I’ve always believed in the power and shame ups of mine
And it knows it if I can put my mind into it the recovery journey might be long
But it’s not impossible i was very lucky to has the support of my boyfriend
And we set goals to slowly reduce the frequency of throwing up after meals
And so we allow myself to be less restrictive when it comes to eating and also instead of working out every single day
I learned to give myself rest days
Resumes were you reading about facts help a lot
knowing that I do need to eat more from my body to have sufficient energy to fill my workouts and to be a muscle and
That my body does need rest days for muscles to recover and to keep growing so that I can progress in my fitness journey
What took the longest was the change of mindset that my was was?
About how much I weighed how good my ass look or how many like much estimation photos good, but it’s not body confidence
And there’s no point to keep comparing myself to other girls online or offline
This is the only body that I’ll ever have and I just caught up on it and day by day of this little effort here
and there is going to add up and
Until it becomes part of who I am I did not start to love my body all of a sudden
Well, I just wanted to take it step by step
and to embrace it
Just a little bit more every single day it not being more than two years since my recovery. I no longer follow Richard’s diet
I tried and didn’t work for me, and I know that
I’m not as lean as before, but I’m happier
And I’m in a much healthier
Relationship with food and that is relatively healthy so that we eat mostly home cook food but on the weekend and on vacation I do
Let myself to eat whatever yummy food i want the key now for me is balance, and it is a sustainable weight
I want a chance to live and enjoy my fitness journey
but recovering from an eating disorder does not mean that you’re
Magically healed and those negative feelings would never come back occasionally
The guilt and shame so there but I’ve also learned that it is okay to have these feelings
Embrace them be honest with yourself and learn to appreciate your own flaws in a different light then seek help is needed so that you
Can work through the struggles to slowly build on your confidence and your self-love
Recently I myself have been working with one website
call better health than online customs of it
And I have wanted to try therapy for a long time
Now look around in hong kong but typical counseling cost a lot more and it can also be inconvenient
So this is a much better option for me
basically you sign up and then you answer a questionnaire so that they can measure you with a licensed therapist who is
Specialized in the area that you need help on for example like me who has to be
mystery and a lot of anxiety in ship all depends on whether you’re religious your preferred language and the gender of the service as I
Can match my counselor immediately reach out to me?
And that’s how we started our messages, and you can also choose video chat or talking on the phone
But I myself more comfortable with just messages for now has really helped me a lot to stay positive
and to do with any chuckles than I have and
It’s just amazing to have someone very to talk to any time I know that
I’ve already helped over 600,000 people already, so if you’re interested, I’ll make adaptable and I’ll live I work out to eat
I stay active. I ain’t responsibly against this is my journey my recovery it might not work for everyone
So you need to listen to your body and she’s a lifestyle that works for you
I think it is very important to remember that there is no quick fix. I know that whatever we go online
We see it as an amazing transformation photo
sometimes people get that patience and consistency are
Key to reach any fitness goals the truth is even now most days when I look at the mirror
I don’t see visible progress
you just got to trust the process and sometimes it is six months or even years into the
Transformation that you want you might not be able to beta every day
I don’t make it a habit and part of your lifestyle and give your body the time that you need to reach your goals not
Extreme measures if you’re struggling I hope that after watching this video
You know that you’re not alone
And if you need someone to talk to you should always be just me on Instagram
And if I can do it you can do it too