Mexican Standoff (ft. Key & Peele)

Mexican Standoff (ft. Key & Peele)

August 1, 2019 100 By William Morgan


Freeze!
End of the line, Cortez!
Alright.
Here we go.
Well, well, well, boys.
Looks like we got a Mexican stand-off.
Guess again.
We’ve got a sniper trained on your position.
Nice try.
But I’ve had an unmanned drone on that sniper’s ass this whole time.
You mean the unmanned drone our hacker just took over?
You mean the hacker whose wife I just kidnapped?
You mean the hacker’s wife, who just filed for divorce?
Bullshit!
That marriage is rock solid.
Hahaha, I guarantee you it’s not.
I’ve been hitting that for six months.
-Ta Boom.
Try cowboy, hear that we’ve got you covered, so drop it.
Looks like you got me.
But you forgot one thing.
I always bring backup.
You mean Chucky Cheese over here?
Had him pegged for a rat the day he entered the academy.
Boom.
Second sniper.
Oh, you knew all along?
Yeah.
Well I knew all along, that you knew, all along.
Did you just get here, son?
I knew, you knew, I knew, all along.
All along.
All along.
Well it looks like we’ve got a REAL Mexican standoff here, boys!
Woo!
All this talk of double-crossing is making me hungry!
For a slice, of blueberry pie.
Special Agent Blueberries Johnson, reporting for duty.
You were a sleeper agent?
That’s right. And my top secret mission…
To investigate you for corruption.
Sorry, sir.
Wait!
What?!
You’re investigating me?
Who do you think you are, Blueberries?
And who do you think,
I am?
What?
I don’t know.
Why don’t you ask,
you?
No!
That’s impossible!
[ maniacal laughter ]
Oh, look at you two fools!
Playing your cat and mouse games.
When the truth has been in front of your faces, the entire time.
And behind mine.
Whoa!
What happened? What?
You were a gun for a second!
What? No, nonononononono, I’m not a gun! I’m not- what are you talking about?
Nope, definitely a gun for a second.
I’m not a gun.
I’m a human being!
Well, you’re crying like a little girl.
Screw you guys, I’m killing everyone!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Stop, stop, stop, alright? Slow down.
Slow down, guys. Alright? Listen.
Let’s just take a moment to figure out who’s double-crossing themselves while dressed as each other, okay? Does that sound good?
Sound good?
Alright, okay.
Alright.
Okay, so then you became yourself, dressed as me. I get that.
Wow, okay.
And this asshole turned into a gun.
No, you shut your mouth.
You shut your mouth, you dirty gun!
How dare you!
Guys, shut up, okay?
Can we just agree to go with the plan here?
Yeah?
I’m good with that.
Yeah, let’s tango.
[ coughs ]
[ coughs ]
[ pants ]
I won.
I won!
I… no!
[ deflating sound ]
I didn’t want to believe it!
It can’t be!
It can’t be true!
You can’t be a gun!
You were at my daughter’s wedding.
You son of a bitch!
I trusted you!
Fine.
But there’s something you should know about me.
I’m actually, a blueberry-
Ooh, a hell of a crime scene.
[ whistles ]
You’re the genius, what’s your take?
Uh, the way I see it, this young Asian gentleman over here walked into this alleyway.
Had some blueberry pie, and then killed himself.
Then he put the gun way over there, to make it look like the gun killed the pie.
Just another wild night, in Wizard City.