Hipster Chef: Keto  | 22 Minutes

Hipster Chef: Keto | 22 Minutes

October 31, 2019 18 By William Morgan


Uh, ‘scuse me?
I don’t see any vegetables on this menu, at
all.
Ha!
Vegetables are so 2016, we don’t serve those.
No substitutions.
The latest health craze is called the keto
diet.
It’s all about cutting out carbs and veg and
loading up on bacon and fat to stay slim.
Well my daughter’s a vegetarian, so…
Oh that’s ok!
We can try somewhere else.
Wait wait wait wait!
I do have vegetable substitutes.
What’s a vegetable substitute?
Well you guys have heard of meat substitutes
right like Tofurkey, tofu shaped like a turkey,
got you mushroom nuggets, chicken nuggets,
got your veggie burger.
Wow that sounds wonderful, is any of that
on the menu?
Hell no!
Vegetarians have been scamming customers for
years, that’s why I curated the very first
menu of vegetable substitutes.
Meat dishes that look just like vegetables.
I’m turning the table on veggie-tables.
BAM!
Vegetable substitute, caesar salad.
Looks just like the real thing.
Those are just cold cuts.
This is cubed ham.
No, that’s a croutonless crouton.
Be careful, there are some bacon bits in there,
well fake facon bits made with faked facon.
It’s bacon.
This looks like a traffic accident.
Thank you!
Oh, and there’s a dressing made fresh at your
table.
Be careful, there is some egg in the dressing.
These days they call it keto, ten years ago
they called it Atkins, and a hundred years
ago they called it scurvy.
But it works, you’ll look great, and you’ll
never have to worry about pooping again.
Maybe we’ll just get the nachos with no cheese.
My vegetarian menu is all you can meat.
BAM!
Ok full disclosure, these are just pig ears
and the salsa is a meat chili.
My chest feels really tight.
I got a tingling sensation in my arm!
Does anybody else feel dizzy?
Hashtag keto for life!
Oh god I’m gonna die!
Maybe just try eating some vegetables!
BAM!
[voiceover] The Hipster Chef will not be seen next week.