Glove and Boots Product Testing: Ethnic Meal Time!

Glove and Boots Product Testing: Ethnic Meal Time!

November 8, 2019 100 By William Morgan


*music plays*
FAFA: We’re cooking a multicultural meal today.
MARIO: Because we want Italian, Asian, and Southern cooking all in the same delicious bite!
FAFA: And thanks to some AMAZING products available on the internet, making meals is fun and easy!
The Vegetti. You make pasta out of vegetables with it by sticking a zuchinni in here…
GORILLA: Meh.
FAFA: And then you just turn the death crank to shove the veggie’s body through the mutilation blades!
GORILLA: Meh.
MARIO: What’s wrong with a nice, four meat lasagna?
FAFA: It’s a healthy alternative for people that don’t want meaty man boobs, or their hearts to explode.
GORILLA: Meh.
MARIO: You cannot make pasta out of a carrot! (GORRILA: Meh.) It’s just plain wrong!
FAFA: But it’s good for you.
MARIO: You know what is good for ME? Meat!
You say this thing can make pasta out of anything?
FAFA: Oh, that’s a great idea!
*fancy music plays*
GORILLA: Meh.
Meh.
Meh!
*fancy music stops*
Meh.
*crew laughing*
Meh!
Meh!
MEH!
Meh…
MARIO: This is really bologna?
FAFA: Yeah.
MARIO: I changed I mind. I’m not eating that.
FAFA: Don’t worry. That’s why Zack’s here.
ZACK: Hey everybody.
FAFA: Zack’s our good buddy who helps us by doing things we don’t wanna.
MARIO: And to say thank you, we have cooked bologna pasta for you!
ZACK: That’s disgusting.
FAFA: No, it’s healthy! We used chicken bologna. And look, it looks like meatballs…
MARIO: It does, it looks like meatballs in sauce.
ZACK: It looks like spaghetti and feet.
MARIO: Ooohohoho!
FAFA: Oh, it’s stretchy!
MARIO: It’s splattering!
FAFA: It looks like rubber.
ZACK: It tastes like rubber too.
MARIO: You did not taste it yet.
FAFA: *laughter*
MARIO: The best part is, he is eating meat!
OK, we’re gonna try the healthy side now. Cucumber, zucchini and pesto.
FAFA: Why is that healthy..?
MARIO: I dunno, olive oil is supposed to be good for you.
ZACK: Sounds pretty healthy it’s-
MARIO: THAT IS AWESOME. Hey, because the other one wasn’t gross, can you eat that whole thing to make it entertaining for the people?
FAFA: In one bite! One bite!
MARIO: One bite! Go! Go!
MARIO & FAFA: Go! Go!
MARIO: Eat!
FAFA: Go! Go!
MARIO & FAFA: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
MARIO: Go! Go!
MARIO: And now cram in one of the horse foot meatballs!
FAFA: How is it?
ZACK: It- it kinda just tastes like oil…
*crew laughing*
MARIO: OK, now you should set a good example for all the kids watching and clean both these plates!
ZACK: No.
FAFA: That’s right! You gotta save room for your next multicultural course!
MARIO: Oooh! I’ll go get… the SUSHI BAZOOKA!
FAFA: Yes!
MARIO: No! This thing has Sushezi written on it! We ordered sushi bazooka! I WANT BAZOOKA!
FAFA: Well, maybe Sushezi is Japanese for bazooka…
MARIO: Oh, that’d be OK.
FAFA: Remember Bazooka from G.I. Joe toys?
MARIO: I remember he made no sense.
Ah, Bazooka. Football jersey, handlebar mustache, missle launcher…
He’s like the village person that nobody wanted.
FAFA: Anyway, sushi bazooka makes making sushi easy.
You put in the rice and stuff, and then squeeze out a big white sushi turd log.
GORILLA: Meh.
FAFA: Finally, sushi made elegant and classy.
MARIO: Fafa went to the big, scary, Asian supermarket in our neighborhood to buy fresh fish.
All kinds of fish, so we can have a sushi extravaganza!
FAFA: Yeah, I didn’t buy no fresh fish though. I ran out of money.
MARIO: You WHAT?!
FAFA: It’s not my fault. They had these weird balls of mystery sea meat, and I couldn’t help myself.
MARIO: *sniff sniff*
FAFA: I’m pretty sure these are shark balls.
MARIO: SHARK BALLS???
FAFA: Shark. Meat. Balls of shark meat.
MARIO: I love what you’ve bought, but what about our squirting sushi poop logs??? The blog is ruined!
FAFA: Nah, I had about a dollar leftover, so I bought a bag of Skittles!
MARIO: Oooh, Skittlushi! Prepare to make… a rainbow roll!
♪ Butterfly in the sky! ♪
♪ I can go twice a high! ♪
♪ Take a look… ♪
♪ It’s in a book! ♪
♪ A reading rainbow! ♪
GORILLA: Meh…
♪ A READING RAINBOW! ♪
♪ A reading rainbow… ♪
GORILLA: Meh.
MARIO: It is time for the second course of ethnic meal time!
Sushi!
FAFA: We made it out of Skittles to celebrate the fact that anyone who wants to can get married in America now.
We call it: the Rainbow Flag Roll.
ZACK: Doesn’t make any sense.
MARIO: Don’t tell us how to honor gay marriage!
Eat the rainbow roll, Zack.
FAFA: Yeah, eat it.
MARIO: Eat it.
ZACK: Alright…
MARIO: Hey, wait.
FAFA: What?
MARIO: If you want, we have Fanta dipping sauce.
ZACK: Excellent.
MARIO: Great.
ZACK: Any one of these?
MARIO: Any one.
ZACK: I’ll do this purple one.
FAFA: Do you wanna try it without the Fanta first?
MARIO: Yeah, yeah.
ZACK: Alright, I’ll do it without first.
FAFA: Yeah, and then try it with.
MARIO: *snicker*
*snicker*
FAFA: Is it terrible?
MARIO: No, I bet it’s good!
ZACK: I mean…
It’s Skittles…
MARIO & FAFA: *snicker*
FAFA: Yeah, so it’s perfect!
MARIO: Does it taste awful?
ZACK: No, I mean, it tastes like…
FAFA: Gay marraige?
ZACK: I could see it *laughter*
MARIO: Does it taste like pride?
ZACK: I could see some restaurant in the West Village charging a lot of money for this as a desert.
MARIO: What’s amazing is all he has to wash it down with is his dipping sauce.
FAFA: You want more?
ZACK: No, I’m good.
FAFA: We got lots.
ZACK: I’m still full from the meat pasta.
MARIO: Oooh, but wait! In keeping with the theme of flags and old news, we prepared another flag roll for you!
ZACK: Awesome.
MARIO: The Confederate Flag Roll!
*car engine*
NARRATOR: Well, looks like ‘ol Zack’s in a heap of trouble.
*small jingle*
FAFA: The Confederate Flag Roll.
This is fried chicken and pulled pork rolled up inside cheese grits!
GORILLA: Meh.
MARIO: And garnished with pork rinds!!!
FAFA: Eat it, Zack.
ZACK: OK.
Uh, OK, it’s not holding together too well…
FAFA: What is that, what’s he dipping it in?
MARIO: He’s dipping it in barbecue sauce.
ZACK: That’s… pretty good.
MARIO: It’s good?!
FAFA: Good?
ZACK: It’s probably- I would… eat this.
MARIO: You know when we said it’s made out of fried chicken?
ZACK: Mmm-hmm.
MARIO: The best part of the fried chicken, buddy.
ZACK: The butt?
MARIO: No, we only used skin.
ZACK: Oh, fried chicken skin and pulled pork?
MARIO: Yeah!
ZACK: And cheese grits?
MARIO: Yeah!
ZACK: And barbecue sauce?
MARIO: Yeah!
ZACK: And pork rinds?
MARIO: YEAH!
ZACK: Why’d you think this would be gross?
FAFA: ‘Cause we got the fried chicken from Popeyes.
MARIO: Yeah!
ZACK: That’s a little gross.
FAFA: I think there may be some gorilla hair in there too.
ZACK: That’s what I’m tasting…
FAFA: It looks like he really likes it.
MARIO: Yeah, seriously, he’s ea- we didn’t have to tell him to keep going, he just keeps on going!
ZACK: This is good.
FAFA: Zack, which one do you like better?
MARIO: And he’s a liberal!
ZACK: That’s true.
MARIO: Looks like Americans are finally getting along!
FAFA: It took the sushi bazooka to bring our nation together.
MARIO: Arigato (thank you in Japanese), Sushezi!
Zack has been a good sport! He deserves desert.
FAFA: So we’re making him cake and lollipops at the same time!
GORILLA: Meh.
FAFA: The Babycakes cake pop maker cooks 9 mini circle cakes at once.
MARIO: It looks like a My Little Pony George Foreman grill.
What is the point of this???
FAFA: I dunno, to make eating cake fun or somethin’.
MARIO: Eating cake was already fun!
FAFA: Where are all the cake pops?
MARIO: I ate them…
FAFA: Wha- all of them?!
MARIO: Yeah! Like, all 9 of those cake pops added up to maybe half a slice of cake!
This thing is pointless!
FAFA: What’re we gonna feed Zack??
MARIO: We’ve got a bunch of extra mystery meat of the sea spheres that we bought at the Asian supermarket…
FAFA: OK Zack, we made you cake pops with frosting and everythin’!
MARIO: Because we love you, oh, so much!
ZACK: I… don’t trust you guys.
FAFA: OK, to be fair, one of these cake pops is actually a ball of Asian mystery fish meat covered in frosting.
ZACK: Ok…
FAFA: But, uh… the odds are pretty good you won’t pick that one!
MARIO: What Zack doesn’t know,
is I ate all the cake!
So he is about to eat a ball of mysterious meat of the sea!
Because they are ALL the sea meat of mystery!
FAFA: Eat it! Eat it!
MARIO & FAFA: Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!
MARIO: Eat it!
Chew it!
FAFA: Is it the fish one?
MARIO: Did you get the fish?
ZACK (muffled): I think so…
MARIO & FAFA: *laughter*
MARIO: How does it taste?!
ZACK: I don’t know if I got the fish one… I think I did…
FAFA: The only way we’ll know is if you eat another one. Try another one, Zack.
MARIO: THEY ARE ALL FISH!
MARIO & FAFA: *laughter*
ZACK: You guys suck!
MARIO: What?
ZACK: You’ve lied to me.
FAFA: We did lie, yeah.
MARIO: Kids, never lie to people ’cause it’s bad!
FAFA: You know what, I’ve got something to say.
MARIO: What?
FAFA: You’re a really good sport, Zack.
ZACK: Aw, thank you.
FAFA: We like you.
MARIO: Yeah.
FAFA: You know what?
You can keep the shark balls.
ZACK: Thank you.
MARIO: Wait! What? No! I wanted those!