Eamonn Holmes’ bathroom secrets revealed ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿšฝ by Michael’s hilarious text – Send To All

Eamonn Holmes’ bathroom secrets revealed ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿšฝ by Michael’s hilarious text – Send To All

November 1, 2019 100 By William Morgan


Who would like to play
Send To All?
I once spent the whole day
ill in bed, watching television.
It was after 2pm before I wasn’t
being entertained by one or both
of the legendary couple
that is Eamonn and Ruth!
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
Darlings…!
I love you so much.
Thank you, thank you.
They’re both playing!
You’re both going
to play, aren’t you?
Yes! Double Send To All.
You have a very loving, bickery
rapport with each other,
which is obviously very natural,
because you are genuinely married.
Genuinely married.
How long have you been married?
We’ve been together 22 years.
Yes, married eight years.
Married eight years. Right.
So, 14 years, you were together,
then how did you ultimately propose,
Eamonn?
We were at the races,
the Cheltenham Festival, one year.
And we were invited to this box,
which was somewhat bigger than this.
But it was full of men.
And Ruth was the only woman there.
And these men,
they were like wasps round jam.
There were all around her.
And she was… What can I say?!
And I sat at the back and I thought,
I didn’t like this.
I thought, well, what’s wrong here,
what’s missing?
I thought, this business arrangement
isn’t tied up.
Business arrangement?!
I just meant…
Oh, the truth’s coming out now.
I meant you were free
to go elsewhere.
That doesn’t excuse
your word “business”.
So I went outside
and I composed a very beautiful,
lovely six-page text…
What do you mean six-page text?
Because I was telling her how
much I loved her. Long, long.
So what happened then, Ruth?
You received the…
IMITATES MOBILE PHONE BEEP
I didn’t, you see. I didn’t hear it
until I was in the car,
because I was busy flirting.
My bag was over there.
Yes, a very noisy flirt.
It sounds very unromantic,
but it was very beautiful.
It was a beautiful love letter.
At the end it said,
“Will you marry me?”
And I just text back, “Yes.”
I can’t think of a better couple
to play Send To All.
Perfect.
Well, we absolutely love you,
we love that you’re here.
I had no idea that texts were
such a huge part of your life.
If you don’t mind popping
your mobile telephone
into the cushion, there.
OK. Thank you so much.
There we have the pair
of mobile telephones,
and we’ll bring that down.
One more time, please,
for the fantastically generous
and brave, Eamonn and Ruth!
MUSIC: Just The Two Of Us
by Bill Withers
# Just the two of us
Building castles in the sky
# Just the two of us
You and I. #
Right.
I’m now in possession of Eamonn
and Ruth’s mobile telephones.
This is not an iPhone. No.
He’s gone for… What is this?
Samsung. All right, I’m going
to plug this in, Eamo.
This is Eamonn Holmes’s
mobile telephone!
CHEERING
Right, that’s a lovely
photo of the pair of you
on the front, there.
And these are your apps.
What’s this?!
Where Is Public Toilet?
What the hell is that?!
Oh, my God.
Eamonn…
I, at my age, have a prostate
the size of your head.
Basically.
So when you get to a certain age,
you can’t really go
more than an hour
without having to have a wee.
It’s very difficult to find a loo,
very, very difficult.
Yes, well, not for you, Eamonn.
Where does it say where I am now?
That’s me.
That’s us.
So, then we find the nearest one.
Yeah. There we go.
It’s 190 metres.
So, would you feel confident
about making that?
I think I could make that.
207…
Do you look at the yardage,
and if it’s not right, you just find
a wall, or an alley?
Just let yourself go?
OK. Well, I think it’s time to have
a little look at Ruth’s phone…
Please do, please do.
..and then I will pop in the texts.
So, Ruth, this should be your phone
popping up here on the big screen.
OK! There it is!
It’s Ruth’s phone,
ladies and gentlemen.
APPLAUSE
So, Spotify, Shazam…
Oh, I love Spotify.
Oh, Ed Sheeran…
Is this yours?
“Made for Ruth Langsford!”
Your daily mix?
Yeah, they do one for you!
Let’s see what we’ve got.
A bit of Gladys Knight.
Jessie J.
Down With The Trumpets,
that’s one of my favourites.
Rizzle Kicks.
SONG PLAYS
Yeah, that’s a good one.
Remember this one?
Go on, Ruth!
# Yo, you might hear me make
a racket like Wilson
# Cos I love summer
no Rachel Bilson
# The winter will come
# We just have parties inside
it’s still fun
# But when the sun comes out
# We don’t wanna be lowsy
or shameless
# Now I’ve got grass stains on
my brand-new white trainers
# Ummmm…
I know a few guys hate us
# They’re as compelling
as neighbours, so laters
# It’s blaters, we’ve got our
own sound, you know now
# So go wild and get hosed down,
n-no-no
# Yeah, yeah
Let’s get down with the trumpets
# Yeah, yeah
Let’s get down with the trumpets
# Yeah, yeah, let’s
get down with the trumpets… #
Come on! All right, all right,
Rizzle! All right, Rizzle!
I can’t stop it!
All right, quick look at the photos,
then we’ll pop this text in.
Oh, dear. OK, photos…
Right, what on earth…?!
That is nightwear, right?
Nightwear?!
They were getting ready for bed.
That they wore in the time
of Henry VIII.
And that was part of a documentary
where we had to dress in that sort
of nightwear, wasn’t it? That’s
what he wants you to think. Right!
That… That’s cardboard Ruth,
it’s a cardboard cut-out,
it’s hard to tell the difference!
It’s cardboard me!
It’s a cardboard cut-out!
Oh, my God, Ruth, you’re so funny!
You go out with the girls and
Eamonn doesn’t know the difference!
Plonk the cut-out down
in the kitchen!
“I had a lovely night in with Ruth,
she’s a good listener.”
She left me,
she ran off with a dancer,
she went off
on that Strictly debacle.
She was supposed to be in it
for a week or two weeks and be
eliminated, and she was there…
I was too good. ..for eight weeks!
For some reason!
And I was left on my own!
You should put that cardboard…
There I am in the car!
Was it not around now, Eamonn,
you started to realise
that wasn’t the real Ruth?!
It’s time to pop the text in.
Oh, no. What wonderful sports.
OK, right, here we go.
I’m going to put the message
in here, but don’t worry.
It’s just a fun one.
“Ruth and I…”
I thought that would capitalise –
it does on the iPhone!
“..are doing an interview
“for a cool magazine,
“and we have to e-mail
our answers over tonight.
“You see, we’ve made it…”
I thought the phone would help me
there.
You actually have to learn how
to spell if you’ve got a Samsung!
On my phone, you just go…
And it goes, “Did you mean…?”
I go, “Yeah, all right!”
“One of the questions…”
LAUGHTER
No, I think we should do it
in Dutch, it’s better!
“One of tge wuestiojs…”
Let’s do it in Dutch!
“One of the que-e-e-estions…
“..is…what do my friends find…”
Don’t panic, Eamonn.
Don’t panic!
“..really annoying about me?
“Please be as honest as possible.”
Dear God.
How long did it take you
to write that proposal?!
Where’s the full stop?!
“I can take it.”
OK, now, we’re going to sign that.
I’d say cheers.
Cheers.
Cheers. Eamonn.
OK, that is the text.
So, that text is going
into your phone, Eamonn,
and simultaneously, Ruth,
this will be your text.
It turns out
you’re doing the same Q&A.
This will be so quick!
“Eamonn and I are doing
an interview…”
Right, now remember on yours
it was for a co-o-ol magazine.
“..for Saga magazine.”
We’re nearly there.
“Please help – and don’t hold back.”
How would you sign off a text, Ruth?
Just “Ruth” with a kiss.
OK, so, we’re going to find out
tonight what Eamonn and Ruth’s
friends find annoying about them!
Once I’ve sent these texts…
Send. They have gone!
One more time, please,
for the loveliest of lovely people,
it’s Eamonn and Ruth,
thank you so, so much for coming!
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
it is time to find out
who has replied to Eamonn and Ruth
in tonight’s Send To All!
So, the text that went out was…
“Help! Ruth and I…”
This would have been
“Eamonn and I” for yours.
“..are doing an interview…”
So, that similar text was sent
from both of your phones.
I have your phones
in my pockets.
I think we’ll start with Eamonn.
Frank Sinclair, in brackets –
personal trainer.
He has put, “Chewing fruit pastels
during personal training sessions.”
Dan Walker – and you’ve put next
to it “Football Focus”!
So you like to put
people’s occupation next to…?
Yeah, because as a journalist,
you file everything according
to what somebody does,
not by their name. Of course.
So, Dan Walker, from Football Focus,
has said,
“Very easy. When you rigged the vote
“so you finished top
“of the Best Breakfast Presenter
In History poll.” Yeah.
You see, smart lad, but bitter.
Bitter he is.
Kelly W, pers.
Yeah, Kelly Willoughby.
Kelly’s Holly’s sister.
Oh, right.
She used to be my PA.
OK, so Kelly W,
your former personal assistant.
Yes. “Hi, boss.”
Oh, once a boss, always the boss.
“Oh, how I’ve waited
for this moment.”
And then two applauding emojis.
“Number one.”
She’s numbered them.
“When you text me
and ask me annoying questions.
“Number two.
“You never paid me enough!
“And lastly, your voice
is a little bit annoying, sorry.”
And she’s signed it
“The best PA you’ve ever had.
“Kell.”
Uh, Niall?
That’ll be my son, what did he say?
It’s a good one!
And thankfully for all of us you
haven’t put “Niall comma my son.”
It’s brilliant.
“Probably the fact you need to pee
all the time.”
OK. Brian Holmes.
Is that a relative?
That’s my brother, Brian.
Is he Northern Irish?
OK, let get my
Northern Irish accent.
“You arrange a time
but never keep to it.
“You’re always late.
When on the phone, you cut
“conversations short very quickly,
and say you have to go.
“Your eyes are bigger
than your belly.”
“Don’t be offended,
from your wee, younger
“skinnier brother, Brian.”
Right, now we’re going
to move on to Ruth.
OK, Lucy Alexander.
Yes, Lucy Alexander – presenter
from Homes Under The Hammer.
Oh, she’s got a few. Oh.
Oh, my God.
“You decant your suncream.”
I do! Into what, a decanter?
No, into a spray bottle.
Because I can’t, yeah,
so I can get two lots into a spray.
You know they sell them
in spray bottles?
Yes, but not always
the one you want.
“You wrap presents
like it’s a competition.”
Yes.
And I always win, Lucy Alexander.
“You are annoyingly amazing –
even my husband fancies you.”
He does, and he’s gorgeous.
This is from Nina Wadia.
Nina Wadia, EastEnders, actress.
I would say Eamonn’s Elvis
impression, but that’s about it.
# Lord O Mighty
I feel my temperature rising
# Higher and higher
It’s burning through to my soul
# Girl, girl, girl,
you know you set me on fire. #
You know? It’s very good, Eamonn!
# I’m just a hunk, a hunk
of burning love. #
Ben Shepherd. Yes.
He’s just put “Your husband”.
Sorry, sorry, Eamonn,
you seem to be the butt
of everything. Jealous.
Ellen Rose, who’s that?
Ellen Rose, I used to work with,
she’s a very good friend of mine.
We met at work.
She’s very rude, so be careful
when you’re reading that.
She IS very rude.
She’s very rude.
“Lols.
Your boobs are better than mine.”
“To be honest, for me the most
annoying thing about being friends
“with you is that you are married
to Eamonn and I have to sit
“in your kitchen and act
all cool when in fact
“I just want to text everyone
I know and say,
“‘I’ve just used the same toilet
as Eamonn Holmes.'”
Don’t worry, darling,
we can ALL say that.
I don’t think
there’s a person in London,
or Belfast, who can’t confidently
say they’ve used the same toilet
as Eamonn Holmes.
What wonderful sports they’ve been,
we’ve learned a lot,
they’re lovely people.
The fantastic Eamonn and Ruth!
It’s Eamonn and Ruth,
ladies and gentlemen.