Butternut Squash Guide – You Suck at Cooking (episode 49)

Butternut Squash Guide – You Suck at Cooking (episode 49)

August 5, 2019 100 By William Morgan


The skin of a squash is extremely tough,
so always use your strongest knife when you cut it.
If you don’t have a chainsaw, you can use a knife.
Definitely takes some elbow grease.
And scoop these guts out.
Once you got that halved, then it becomes obvious
why butternut squash is also known as nature’s ladle
*Slurping*
We’re gonna start carving out squash
Whoops
So you got your two pieces here.
What you’re gonna do is take a hinge.
Line that up between the crack.
Take your screws.
And just screw those into the squash.
Don’t over-tighten them, though.
You might break the screw.
Oh [BLEEP], it’s not opening.
Oh, I see.
So, we’ll just cut this off, I guess.
Yeah, so that works pretty great…
Put this in right here…
So now we’re gonna be able to
lock it…
And we’ll just take this handle…
Great!
And then…
Oh, [BLEEP].
[SIGH] Okay,
just unscrew that.
This is what happens when you pioneer something new.
You’re gonna run into problems,
but you do that so that the people who come after you
don’t have to have those issues.
That’s what being an innovator’s all about.
I’m kind of like the.. the Elon Musk of
squash cases.
And basically what you’ve created is
a perfect holder for your banana.
–that you can just carry with you wherever you go.
So this is just a quick access, I guess?
A lot of benefits to… a squash case.
So we’re going to..
take a leek.. heh.
Some olive oil,
throw those leeks in,
brown them a bit to add some flavor.
Try not to burn them like I did.
In your food processor or blender, throw in the squash,
garlic, and some veggie stock.
–and the leeks.
So we’ll get that blending…
Take that gloriousness and pour it in the pan.
I mean, the pot.
While that’s heating up, gonna add some salt,
and a little bit of pepper.
*whispered* –pepper pepper!
And I’m gonna throw in a bit of curry powder,
because orange on orange tastes really good.
Don’t taste it too soon if you blend it raw like that,
cause it aarrlgh. Bleeaugh.
*splashing noise*
Don’t uh.. think too much
about what that sounds like.
Very simple, very yummy.
Squash comes from the Cucurbitaceae family
which is the same family as gourds.
Such as the
Kusarigama
The Bumptolophagus
The Payronieous
The Antoni Gaudi
The Squeegle
The Hoogalabooblahblah
And the Rectus Uncomftormus
If you wanna bake butternut squash
and you get one that just isn’t buttery enough and nutty enough
simply coat it in butter
and then roll it in powder stone-crushed nuts
and let that marinade[sic] for 7 to 8 weeks.
If you have one that’s perfect…
We’re gonna chop this in half
[SCRAPING NOISE]
Peel it with a peeler.
[SPED UP SCRAPING NOISE]
It’s actually pretty fun.
I mean, it’s not roller coaster fun, but…
[CHOPPING NOISE]
[SPED UP SCRAPING NOISE]
If you don’t have a peeler…
[CHOPPING NOISES]
… just cut right down like that.
[FAST CHOPPING NOISES]
Throw these into a pan.
Olive oil.
Salt.
Pepper, pepper, pepper.
Fresh sage leaves…whaaat?
[FAST CHOPPING NOISES]
Then we’ll mix that all together.
What the hell?
Then we’ll take the other half
Salt.
Squash has recently been named a superfood,
and the butter helps counteract the healthy effects.
Throw some in there.
Create a little river here.
Little bit of maple syrup.
It’s probably way too sweet,
but you know what?
You only live however many times you get reincarnated, so…
Onion’s on 400.
[DISH SCRAPING NOISES]
Ahh
It’s been about 30 minutes.
Just gonna wang-jangle this one a bit.
[DISH SCRAPING NOISES AND SIZZLING]
Spoon this butter and maple syrup over top.
Best thing you can do with these is
Blurgh
*Toilet flushing*
Let’s do a little test here.
Mmm… sage squash is so good.
Mmm!
It’s all so good but I think you really need to get the maple and butter in there
otherwise it’s pretty bland so…
Dice it and then douse it.
I’m gonna declare the sage squash the ultimate champion here.
Regardless of how you do your squash,
don’t serve it like this.
That’s baby food.
And that’s condescending to anyone over the age of 18…months.
And, you know, butternut squash might not be your thing
so if you don’t like it, try one of the other varieties
like cutternut squash,
or shutternut squash,
or gutternut squash,
or clutternut squash,
or flutternut squash,
or uddernut squash.
♫ [GUITAR PLAYING] ♫
♫ Going to town now.
Don’t you get lost. ♫
♫ Before you leave the house be sure to wash. ♫
♫ Dressed to the nines
Yeah, you looking posh. ♫
♫(And your suit, and your pants, and your shoes)♫
♫ Little bit hungry, better eat some squash♫
♫ Eat a steak sandwich, be sure to floss. ♫
♫ Swinging from the trees on the great peat moss. ♫
♫ Have some spaghetti
with extra sauce. ♫
♫ Finish it off with a side of squash. ♫
♫ Give me a butternut uppercut♫
♫ Cup runneth over like a speeding truck ♫
♫ Splayed on my plate I’m gonna eat it up. ♫
♫ Mmmm, mmmm, mmm ♫